Thread: Ha ha ha ha ha!! Rated!!!

PENIS TAN

There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis. So he decided to do something about that.

He went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out of the sand.

A bit later, two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane to help her get along. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, the lady with the cane began to move the penis around with her cane.

Remarking to the other little old lady, she said, "There really is no justice in the world."

The other little old lady asked, "What do you mean by that?"

The first little old lady replied, "Look at that. When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. Now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat."

NAME GAME

A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat. "What animal is this?" she asked. "A cat!" said Eddie. "Good job! Now, what is this animal?" "A dog!" said Eddie. "Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a Deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad."

"A horny bastard," called out Eddie.

LOST WIVES

Two guys are moving about in a supermarket when their carts collide. One says to the other, "I'm sorry - I was looking for my wife." "What a coincidence, so am I, and I'm getting a little desperate." "Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?" "She's tall, with long hair, long legs, firm boobs and a tight ***. What's your wife look like?" "Never mind, let's look for yours!"

DEAD HUSBANDS

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms, too, and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

LANDING ANNOUNCEMENT

The jumbo jet is just coming into Pearson Airport in Toronto on its final approach.
The pilot comes on over the intercom and says, "Ladies and gentlemen. This is Capt. Johnson speaking. We're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today, and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto."
Unknowingly, the pilot forgets to switch off the intercom and the entire plane can now hear the conversation in the cockpit.
The co-pilot says to the pilot, "Well, Captain, what are you gonna do here in Toronto?"
By now, all ears in the plane are listening in to this conversation.
"Well," says the Captain, "First, I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a nice, long crap. Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess out for supper. You know, the cute one with the huge tits. I'm gonna wine and dine her, then take her back to my room, and then I'm gonna make love to her all night long."
Everyone in the plane is trying to get a look at the new stewardess.
She's so embarrassed, she runs from the back of the plane to get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off.
Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes, flat on her face.
The old lady leans over to her and says calmly, "No need to run, dear. He said he's gotta take a **** first!"

Very nice!!!!

very funny

Funny as always

those were good!

WOW!!!