Thread: some pregnancy jokes...

thought i'd follow in darling ashy's footsteps with a few pre-pregnancy, pregnancy and post-pregnancy jokes...

BEFORE THE PREGNANCY:

Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather then briefs?
Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.

What is a chastity belt?
A labor-saving device.

Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.

My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
Your therapist.

DURING THE PREGNANCY:

I normally wear a size 34-C bra. Now that I'm pregnant, should I continue to wear a bra?
Not if you don't mind switching in the future to a size 34-Long.

Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
Yes, your bladder.

Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?
Depends on what you're doing with them.

Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labor?
When the sex is between your husband and another woman.

My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

What are forceps?
Giant baby tweezers.

Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.

AFTER THE PREGNANCY:

Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?
No, but your husband might get on your nerves.

Under what circumstances should a baby not be circumcised?
When it's a girl, for starters.

Where is the best place to store breast milk?
In your breasts.

Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
Yes, baby lips.

What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

How does one sanitize nipples?
Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
When you see teeth marks.

What is the grasp reflex?
The reaction of new father's when he sees new mother's breasts.

What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away?
They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global chemical warfare.

Do I have to have a baby shower?
Not if your change the baby's diaper very quickly.

What causes baby blues?
Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos.

Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
When the kids are in college.

great Jokes...watch Out Btz Fans We Have Another Ashy Here.

Originally Posted by princess

Another Ashy Here.

and that also a pregnant one!!!!!

LOL, some of them are VERY true!