Thread: Having issues w/DH

Originally Posted by LeahP

Danielle - I totally know what you mean about losing track of your relationship. I have tried to touch bases with him several times in the last year or so, even before AJ was born, because I felt we had kind of grown apart. He just seems to have gotten a bit selfish. I think a part of it may be the new baby, but still I think telling me that "we shouldn't stay together just because of the kids" is taking it a bit far. Like I said before, I haven't really noticed that things have been horrible, I actually thought things were going well. When I asked him what he wants from me and from this relationship he said he didn't know. That just doesn't seem right. Obviously if he thinks there's a problem, he SHOULD know what he wants, which is why he thinks there IS a problem.

~Leah

Well from what you've said hun it really does sound like he's being selfish. I'm really sorry your dealing with this stress right now, def not fair to you. Do you have family close by? Maybe you could tell him that he really needs to think about what HE wants, and let you know. Your not a mind reader and he needs to respect you enough to at least tell you how he's feeling. As he ever been real open about how he feels, and now he's just shut down?

USMC - I asked him last night and he didn't seem interested. He doesn't touch alcohol and has no other issues so unfortunately he wouldn't "have" to go to counseling. When I first told him about the pregnancy he seemed a bit upset, but after that he said he was happy about it, so I thought he was happy. I knew I was happy about, especially since things were supposedly going so well between us. Now I have no friggin idea what to think since I guess I can't see straight. LOL. I don't think I'm so retarded that I would thinks things are great when they really aren't. Maybe it IS the pregnancy. I mean, geez, he seems more hormonal than I do, and I cry at the drop of a hat.

~Leah

Danielle - Ever since he joined the military he hasn't really been open with me. When we were dating he was the most honest, sensitive guy ever. I don't know what changed...? The closest family I have is two states away. We're going on vacation to California next month and depending on how things are at the time, I may just stay there. I'm so tired of guessing games.

~Leah

I really hope the communication lines open up between you. As hard as this is, it sounds like your holding it together pretty good. It's good that your visiting your family next month. And that you can stay there if you need to. I'll send some prayers your way

I don't want you all to think that I believe I'm the perfect wife... I know I have my issues, too. Sometimes I may be a bit short with him, and he always gets upset when I get on him about cleaning up his messes... I think I've toned down on that as my house does get a bit cluttered at times, so I've relaxed a bit, especially after having a toddler (it's almost impossible to have a spotless house). AND I know it can be upsetting for somebody to tell you that their favorite person in the world gets on your nerves. When he married me I didn't expect him to separate himself from his parents, but he did need to put me and our children as his first priority. His mom gets on my nerves, and 99% of the time he will back her up making ME look like the bad person. That REALLY eats at me, but I choose to let it go because I know he's a mama's boy. Things got a bit weird around AJ's birthday when everybody came up for the party. I was going to let AJ let a balloon go, and she got all crazy saying I could kill a bird. I didn't really think it was a horrible thing to let a child release a balloon and watch it go up in the sky. I did it as a child and enjoyed it. My husband of course backed her up. I let it go (the issue, not the balloon LOL). Then later his mom accused me of eating REAL candy when I was pregnant with my son DEALING with GD. I never touched real candy when I was insulin dependent. I would get sugar free candy every now and then, but stuck to the dietician's suggestions because I was so afraid of losing my baby. I told her that no I didn't, and she insisted I did because SHE SAW ME. He backed her up saying that maybe I did and just didn't remember. Grrrr. I was pissed, but again, I let it go. I smiled and chatted with her and never once showed how pissed I was, though I was secretly ECSTATIC when they left a day early. I told him she upset me when she was here, and I swear to him she's like some saint in his eyes. She had the nerve to get upset with me because I wouldn't go into the house (like the perfect little wife) to get a pot of hot water to heat up the kiddie pool that my hubby was laying in, which was supposed to be something fun for Alexander. I told her that if he wanted a heated pool, he should go to the gym. Also, I told him to put on sunscreen before he got in the pool. He decided to do it afterwards, after his skin was wet. I told her that he'd learn his lesson if he got sunburned. He's a grown man, so I'm not going to treat him as anything but... Ooo, talking about MIL just heats my blood. HAHAHA.. I could go on forever. Anyway, I told him she upset me and he just got really upset. I will never be best friends with her and he doesn't understand that. That is totally off subject, though, but just wanted to illustrate why he can be a bit self centered at times (his mother trained him that he's the center of the universe)...

~Leah

Danielle - Thanks...

Oh Leah I am sorry you are going through this. I don't have any advice except to say I feel your pain and know exactly where you are coming from right now. With the lupus + pregnancy you need absolutely no stress right now and I don't know how you are going to do it but you have to find some outlet to help you relax while this is all being worked out

Men can be so stubborn and not willing to work on things! (Well mine is.) You know, a long time ago I read a book called "Love Languages." It was a real good book that suggested different ways of talking to your spouse that may make them listen better or help appeal to them better. It suggests that a lot of the tiffs we all get into are more a matter of communication problems. If you're interested at all and would like the author just let me know, but you should be able to look it up by the title.

I hope everything works out for you!

Thanks SanWes!!!