Oh Ad! I am oh so sorry hun, I don't even know what to say, I don't even know what you're going through, but I'm sure it's SO normal to feel what you're feeling. I hope you can find the courage to stay strong, we're definitely all here for you.
Well, I had my follow up appt with my doc, she didn't do an u/s since my blood work came back showing my levels at zero. She just told me to wait 2 cycles and try again. I have other thoughts but that is a whole different thread.
I really thought I was doing ok but I think I'm worse now than when it first happened.
I went to the mall last night to get an outfit and I walked by a Maternity clothes store. And for the first time in my life it hurt. I just let out a big sigh and looked at my daughter and moved on. Then this morning, I sat in the waiting room surrounded by baby portraits, watching all the pregnant ladies leave from their appts, happy and glowing. Then I had to tell my ER visit story to my doctor and I couldn't control myself anymore and I lost it. She was understanding and told me to take my time.
Then (no offense girls) when I see the girls that got their BFP before, during or a bit after me, and are doing great, I get oh so jelouse. I think, why cant that be me too???
I'm a strong person, and for the most part I'm really ok. I don't break down and cry everytime I see a pregnant lady or a baby. I can pull myself together and regain my composer very easily.
I think today is one of those days I guess.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Last edited by Adrian; October 10th, 2006 at 05:43 PM.
Adrian~ I am so sorry. I wish I could hug you.
I hope you get your again soon. Sorry you are having such a bad day.
You'll have these days Adrian but with time it'll get easier. What you described just now I remember going through after my first m/c before I had my son. It's not easy but it gets better. It's also natural to be jealous of those who are doing well, not that you aren't happy for them but still. Hang in there and lean on your husband for support he's probabilly hurting to but being strong for you.
Adrian.... I've not been through what your going through, but it would seem to me there is no magic day that your suddenly over it. I think you will have good days followed by a bad one or two where you relive the pain again.
Please know that your healing process may take a little more time. Just take it one day at a time, and hopefully the bad days will become less and less. And you'll be blessed w/ a BFP again as soon as you can
Oh Adrian, I know it has to be hard. I cant imagine your pain, it will take time,adn it will never jsut go away, but one day you will get past it. Youll get preg again. Im so sorry it happened to you, and it has to be hard to see everyone else preg. I really wish I coudl say something meningful and truely helpful hun.
Adrian... I'm so sorry. I didn't realize when we were on the phone last night how much the conversation we had about the mall and the maternity store affected you. I wish there was something I could say or do to help you right now.
HOney I feel for you. I have been there & my loss happened around feb. My ticker doesn't match but my angel baby would've been born in Oct. I am knowing going through all those feelings again.
Adrian, you're not alone. I felt the same way. I even posted a thread here titled "That's supposed to be me". I so understand where you are coming from. The best advice I can give is don't deny yourself those feelings. Don't let them take you over, but don't suppress them entirely either. And it does get easier with time. I just told my DH recently that I cannot believe how excited and ready I am to be pregnant again, even though I know I will be terrified of having another m/c until I reach that magical 12 weeks.
Hugs to you.
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