Am i doing th right thing!!

**niknak** · August 29th, 2011, 11:31 PM

Im 21 and 37weeks pregnant... it was very clear at the beginning of my pregnancy that me raising my child up on my own was the right thing to do after the stress of my ex nearly caused me to miscarry at 6weeks pregnant and he didnt care because he was to busy trying to get laid... after the threatening messages of taking my child away and how bad of a mother i would be and how i would abuse my child and i wouldnt be trusted around it and how much of a slut he thought i was... i did tell him i wasnt sure he wasnt the father as for i was angry at him when we argued and he picked his friend over his future family not so much me but the child i was carrying he didnt care his friend still came first... after his mate tried to hook up with me and i told my ex he said it was ok because his mate was drunk even though this was the next day and he only had 3 drinks the night before and then he told his mate he could move in with him after all this what had happened and we found out i was pregnant and i wasnt comfortable tryin to sort things out wit my ex while he wanted his mate to move in and i wanted to try and build a life with him with our child. he went behind my back and told him he could move in after he asked me how i felt. we constantly argued about him wanting me to be friends with his ex girlfriends and talking to them about our relationship made me uncomfortable but he was determined that they came first before me...
so i found it very easy to keep saying it wasnt his child and my parents stuck behind me and picked up all the pieces he put me through mum came to every appointment and dad helped me pay for scans etc. my ex only gets intouch now and again with my dad to see how babs and me are doing... but we got intouch a while ago he apologised for what he did and asked me was my son truely not his and i said no because if i go behind my dads back then i will loose my dad so im really stuck in a way.. but even so my ex still agreed that what he did choosing his mate over his pregnant gf at the time he didnt regret because they were his family even though my son was his family too but he never thought of that
im so far down my pregnancy and gotten through the rough times but now im so down and depressed for my son not going to have a dad i hear all the time how mum and dad are so proud of their new born and my son only has me and i feel guilty and sad and its destroyin me whether im doin the right thing... i knew i was doin the right thing at the beginnin but now im lost and im scared... do give advise would love to know what people think try not to be to harsh though :(

**beth81** · August 29th, 2011, 11:39 PM

i think only you know what is right for you and your baby, however i did want to say that you shouldn't feel down about your baby not having a father. Many chldren are raised in a single parent family and turn out well adjusted and ready for life, and i am sure there are many children who are raised in two parent families that turn out far worse. It sounds to me like you have a very supportive family and your father will be there for your baby. Who knows what the future may hold for you, you may find a loving partner who will be happy to take on the responsiblity of fathering your child, remember, being a sperm donor does not make you a father. Good luck sorting out things, maybe it is something that can be left until after baby arrives and when your hormones have settled down and you can think things through.

Beth

**Angela** · August 30th, 2011, 06:35 AM

I agree that there is nothing wrong about raising a child in a single-parent household. That being said, the man who fathered your child has a right to know about his child. Maybe you need to sit down with your parents and tell them how you are feeling. Maybe they will see your point of view and together you could seek legal aid, enduring that you keep full parental rights in the event that your ex tries to get more involved and you don't want this. It's a tough situation to be in and I'm sure in the end (maybe after the hormones settle), you will do what is right for you and your son.

**niknak** · August 30th, 2011, 07:00 AM

thanks guys... i know the father has a right to but its such a sensitive subject to my dad because of the fact he walked away from the beginning and he promised alot of things and broke them to my dad so it's really hard to bring up the subject coz if it wasnt for my parents i really couldnt of survived..... ill be waiting til after babs is here to make any decision as i know its prob jus my hormones im jus so confused i wanted to see what others think and maybe would do thanks for the reply xx

**Anthonysmommy** · August 30th, 2011, 08:02 AM

I know how you feel... My oldest doesn't have a father and my youngest and the one on the ways dad is a piece of garbage. I think only you can make that choice... I feel bad for my kids knowing that their dads are pieces of garbage but I know in my heart keeping my kids away from them and safe is what matters. You have to judge your situation and go with what you feel is best... My oldest is 4 and it doesn't bother him yet that he doesn't have a daddy ( maybe it's cuz his stepdad ruined it for him) but I know one day it'll bother him but when he's old enough he will know why.. Good luck with whatever you chose

**Vikki.J** · August 30th, 2011, 09:49 AM

I want to wish you the best of luck, it can't be easy to be in that situation. Do what you feel is best. I was the oldest of 4 kids, and my dad left when my youngest sister was still in diapers. He signed over all rights so he didn't have to pay child support. I don't resent my mom for kicking him out and not taking him back. My mom worked 2 full time jobs and I did all the parenting of my siblings through high school. If it came to it I would do it again, my dad was garbage and still is. Rather then feeling sorry about it though I take pride that my mom did everything she could to get us out of that situation. So try not to stress too much...raising a child as a single parent isn't the end of the world, and you never know if a perfect stepdad is going to come along ;)

**Paige** · August 30th, 2011, 11:34 AM

Sorry your ex is being an ***, but I think its kinda f*cked up that you would lie to him and deny him a relationship with his own child. That is not really something that is in your hands to decide, its not like he was abusive to you...he was being immature and disrespectful. This is not your fathers child so making your father upset shouldn't matter. Perhaps your ex will be a wonderful father to his child. Tell your dad that your ex has a right as the father to know his own offspring; its not like you have to have a relationship with him. I absolutely do not think you are doing the right thing by denying your baby a relationship with the only father he/she will ever have.

**Anthonysmommy** · August 30th, 2011, 01:23 PM

Why not give him a chance to be a dad and see how that goes? Then regardless of what happens you can say you gave him the chance? He could grow up and be a good dad...but put what's best for your child first. No one else's feelings matter when it comes to that.

**bb0310** · August 30th, 2011, 02:02 PM

You do not have to be in a relationship with him for him to be a part of your childs life. The best thing for that baby of yours is to know both parents; there are so many parents who don't want anything to do with their kids so it's great that he does. It's easy to understand why you were hurt, but he does have a right to be apart of his childs life in my opinion. It sounds like your dad has been very supportive the entire time and I don't think that will stop, hopefully your dad can get past everything to see what os best for the baby. Good luck!